..and just like that, we are back here are we? It’s like an impossible puzzle my brain, pieces constantly moving around. One day you think you’ve got it, you know the answer and then the next day the realisation is that you were never any closer to finding that all important, life changing solution.

It’s 23:20pm on a Saturday evening. I’ve had a rather normal day, just as normal as the last two weeks which have been my most progressive for months but something changed at about 18:30pm. That “something” is the missing piece of this puzzle I’ve been trying to find over the last 9 years. I don’t even really know why I’m writing this down, it means nothing to you. I just need this I guess? A place to just relax and let my brain change it’s angle of thought for a minute.

This definitely isn’t as bad as it’s been before, but it still hurts. Mentally it drains you, saps every last ounce of energy you thought you had. Suddenly your pillow is a magnet. Your thoughts are as heavy as one hundred tonne weights, pulling you down until you can no longer stand for what you believe in.

I want to travel the world, I want to build a family, I want so many of these things in life but in order to make these things a reality I have to want to beat my brain and that’s proving a tough old task. That day will come where everything is okay but for now it’s a battle, a battle that I’m not giving up on. We just lost a few soldiers today..

Time to sleep.
Sleep is good for you right?

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

Leo Buscaglia